(at said address)
Dear Mr Chan,
You have no idea how happy receiving your letter has made my family and I! I could not believe my eyes when I read that you had found my brother-from-another-mother Mr K.P. Gary! He and I spent many years travelling the world together, but sadly I lost touch with him a long time ago. He once stole a girl I loved, and also my watch, but that's another story, and anyway, she is fat and old now so I don't mind that much anymore. I have since got a new watch, too.
I am so terribly saddened to hear that he has passed away; in fact, it has so broken my heart that I wonder if the percentage of my share could be negotiated upwards? Because of the undue stress and upset his death has caused me, and the shock of your letter, it would only seem fair that you consider giving me the larger portion of the share, in fact, the entire estate should now fall to me because we share the same name, ie Gary?
My wife is a judge in our Supreme Court and she says by rights that estate should be legally transferred in its entirety into my account. She is currently investigating what our options are, and we are prepared to travel to your company to ensure that everything is above-board and legal. Mr K.P. Gary (his name was Kenneth Paxton) was a very honest man, and he would like to know that his money has fallen into the rightful hands.
Oh! I have so many plans to make! So many people to tell! The local newspapers have been notified and they are interviewing me on local radio in the morning! I am so excited, I am nearly peeing in my corduroys here. I will be famous! And so will you! Everyone will know of your kindness, your hard efforts in trying to reach me! I will make sure of that, so that you, too, can bask in the light of fame.
Again, I cannot thank you enough, and if you give me your physical address, I will go right ahead and make travel arrangements - perhaps you could arrange for a limousine to collect us at the airport, because we shall be very tired after our long trip.
Once again, thank you from our hearts to yours - we can't wait to meet you, and treat you to a fried scorpion or whatever the fuck you slit-eyed weasels eat over there.
See you soon!
With kind regards,