22 FEBRUARY 1994
Twenty years ago today, on an ordinary Tuesday, an extraordinary girl was born into my life, sent to me by the Powers That Be because I had lessons to learn above Love.
At 8am, quietly and without fuss, you arrived in my arms, a teeny tiny squidgy bundle of joy that I had already loved for 9 months before finally having the pleasure of meeting you. There was no fear of the baby blues, ever. You were, and are, the core of my Being, and I give thanks for every day I have had with you; may they continue long into the future.
Becoming a Mother is evolutionary. The days of long lie-ins, late nights out, freedom to please myself disappear with the last push that delivers you to me. Now it is no longer Me, but Us, or rather, You. You encaptured my heart with the first fluttering of your eyes, the tiny hand curled around my finger, so small, gentle, fragile, the smell of your skin, the warmth of your body against mine, the way you seek me out and only I can comfort you, the way my body responds to your calls of hunger. How easily I slipped into the role, of getting up as many times as it was necessary, sleeping with one eye open, listening to you breathe, watching your every movement for fear of sickness or hurt. Holding you to my breast so that you might feed, watching you curl your toes, changing you, loving you. Everything was as easy and as light as air.
And you grew, how you grew. So fast, so clever, so bright, a shining star in a jaded sky. You eminate Love, you give Love like nothing I have ever experienced, open, honest, true. Your kindness broke my selfishness, your patience tamed my anger, your spirit calmed my soul. And so you taught me about the true meaning of Selfless Love, by simply being who you are. And I thank you for that. You have made me better than I could ever have become alone; you showed me the light when I only saw darkness; you gave me hope when I despaired; with your tiny hand you comforted me when I was hurting; with your eyes you saw my soul. And you love me without question, without condition, without expectation of anything in return. You are, to me, purity personified.
So whilst I may have taught you to tie your laces, you taught me to untie my fears; I showed you how to dress, and you undressed me until I could stand naked in front of anyone, unafraid, and certain that I was loved. I taught you how to speak, yet you were the one who set my words free. I showed you things that you need to know to survive this place called Earth, and you showed me ways to fly above myself and embrace all that is good. I gave you life, but you taught me how to live. For every tiny thing I have taught you, you have shown me more, in ways you cannot begin to understand until the circle turns once again.
And now we are celebrating your twentieth birthday. My heart tightens at the passing years, so fleeting, so brief, over in the blink of an eye. A beautiful young woman has emerged, like an Angel you sprinkle fairy dust wherever you go, forever leaving a trace of you behind in memory of your existence. The world has not yet jaded you; it has not yet diminished the shine of your heart; my wish for you is to be like water, fluid, graceful, and with the ability to move around anything that this place may put in your path.
And though you may be far away for now, you are never away from my heart. Without you, I have no reason, no direction, no guiding light. My purpose is to be your Mother, an honour and a gift it has been, and I have loved you - every single day - without hesitation, without remorse, without regret. I have stayed constant, because you have been the air that feeds the flame of my heart.
As the years pass by, our bond becomes stronger, if that's even possible. When I look into your eyes I see my past, my present, and my future. When you cry, my soul cries with you; when you laugh, it smiles. You bring me everything I could ever ask for in a daughter and with your quiet dignity and deep connection to all that is good, you lead others from the front.
I salute you, I honour you, and I love you, and will do so all the days of my life, and beyond. And I wish you a glorious birthday today, little one, may all your dreams come to fruition, but above everything else, I wish you great love because no one deserves it more than you.
Happy Birthday, my Angel.
With my love always,