Do you know what I abhor more than animal abusers? Bullies. Or should I say amateur bullies. The ones that make threats to expose juicy secrets about you because you don't agree with them about some vile and unsubstantiated accusation they've made about another person. You see, I've been in the business of people for a very long time; I can read most of them like a book. Some try and change their sleeves to make themselves look pretty, but open a few pages and you'll fast learn that you should never, ever judge a book by its cover. Very often you will end up sorely disappointed in the contents. They smile, but cross them? Oh dearie me. You're out. Doubt them? Oh dearie me. Call them out on stuff? You're threatened.
This person made contact with me tonight in any way she had possible. When I blocked one avenue, she used another. Again, who has the time or effort to do this? Or even the remotest of interest. Only the mentally bewildered. She has made disgusting comments about my daughter's relationship with her grandparents such as "... hoping to get a mention in the Will, are you?". Such a lovely lass she is. She has threatened to expose my 'sordid' past in a feeble attempt to fling some long-dried mud at me; dried mud doesn't stick, by the way.
As I am sure you are not as experienced a writer or speller, I have decided to save you the trouble and write it myself. I shall expose myself, people, for the terrible, awful human being that I am. For my dark and distant past endeavours. All because I will not take at face value the accusations she is laying at another's door.
When I was 17 I met my first boyfriend. We dated for seven years. During this time, I had the most amazing experiences with him, from travelling all over South Africa, to learning to master motorcycles, fishing, hunting, camping and a whole pile of other adventures too numerous to mention. We did not drink, and we did not go to pubs or clubs. Instead we spent every single weekend away in nature, away from the madding crowd. We also smoked grass. A lot. For seven years, I was not a drinker, but a smoker. I smoked before I rode my motorbike. I smoked round camp fires whilst playing guitar. I smoked before making love. I smoked in school once, too, just to see could I get away with it. I also planted marijuana seeds outside the Principal's office in school, and watched the gardener water them with care every day. I still have no problem with marijuana, even though it has been more than two decades since I gave it all up for cleaner living. Scientists are now finding medicinal benefits for pain relief and yes, even cures for cancer, from this terrible, awful, natural drug.
I also spent a week-end in jail - oh my God, call the cops. My dumb-ass boyfriend dumped some grass under the car seat when we were pulled over by cops in South Africa, and because it was not found "on his person", but in the vehicle in which both of us were travelling, we both got arrested and I was plonked into a cell for the weekend. I was twenty years old. I was wearing - and I'll never forget - a white pencil skirt, white heels, and a pastel pink top, as I was on my way home from work when it happened. It was a most pleasant and eye-opening experience, and probably the reason I've never seen the inside of a jail since. The toilet was in the cell. There was no toilet paper. Cops offered to warm me up if I was cold. On the Monday morning I was released and cleared of all charges. I went straight back to work and told the HR Manager what had happened, and giving him the opportunity to relieve me of my post. He appreciated my honesty and I was promoted a year later. I have no record. Feel free to check. My boyfriend took the fall - it was, after all, his dope. That's some pretty dried up mud right there, seeing as I'm heading for 50 this year. Amazing how this person has threatened me with something that happened thirty years ago. Talk about not letting things go!
After we ended our relationship when I was 24, I partied. Hard. I was young, free and single. I played pool, dated, kissed a lot of frogs, lived in a great flat with a lifelong friend, had my own car, paid my own bills, held down very good jobs.
I could no longer blame my past, my choices, my bad decisions, or my parents, for my life. I took responsibility, and I GREW UP. At 28 I fell pregnant with my beautiful daughter, and it was time to settle down because she was, is, and always will be the best thing that ever came into my life. So I married, became a mother, and a wife. Both my husband and I remained faithful until the very end. I've never been a bed-hopper. I wasn't in my first relationship, and that was the one that set the path for relationships to come.
I want to intercept here to clarify another accusation this wonderful girl threw at me tonight : she said I had sex in front of my baby girl. It beggars belief.
I was staying with my sister at the time as my house was under construction. My husband and I were not yet married, and we had been out on a date - and we got drunk. Very drunk. We got back to hers, and he was to sleep on the couch, but my sister and her friend Liz had both fallen asleep on the settees in the sitting room. So he and I lay fully clothed, inebriated, on her double bed with my daughter asleep at the end of the bed in her cot. Let me repeat this bit. Fully clothed. On top of a double bed. With my daughter not three feet away from me.
My husband is one of the straightest, morally-correct, goody-two-shoes you'll ever meet. To challenge his integrity is at your peril. Now unless I had sex by myself, this person is saying that we fornicated with my baby girl in the room. With the door open. So not only is she trying to slander me, she is slandering my ex-husband. I won't tell you his opinion of said person, but we're sure to have a good cackle about this when we next speak.
We moved home to
. We bought a house, worked very hard, took no
benefits or hand-outs, didn't live off other people's taxes, and made our own
way in the world. This included hard
studying, discipline, late nights, tightening of belts, and bags under my
eyes. In 2006 my husband and I called it
a day, and we went our separate ways but we remain close. When you learn to be honest in your life, it
includes knowing when the time has come to let things go - it was not in either
of our best interests to continue our marriage, and so, like grown-ups do, we
sat down, talked about it, and made the difficult decision to start new phases
in our lives. Ireland
What else. Oh yes:
- I stole bubblegum from a corner store when I was ten.
- I perved my brother's Playboy magazines that I found under his bed as a teenager. I also found a condom.
- I bunked school. A lot. I think at last count my record was being absent for 97 days in one year - I didn't like school.
- I saw a real penis for the first time when I was nine - a neighbour (the same age as us) showed both myself and another boy who lived next door. Neither of us touched it.
- I set fire to my parent's kitchen when I was 18 by putting on oil to make chips and forgetting about it. I then went away for the weekend and left my sister to clean up my mess. Thanks, B, by the way - and sorry.
- I drenched a neighbour's carpeted bathroom when the shower hose got the better of me. I never told them.
- I saw my neighbour naked as he ran from the bathroom to his bedroom - I was ten. I think he was 11.
- When I was 15, I used to steal my father's car out the drive when he was asleep, and drive it around my town. I once hit a bird, and parked the car back without cleaning it. I heard my mother say to my father she didn't recall hitting anything.
- I ran away from home a few times. Just to see if I could. I could. And I got whipped for it after and locked in my bedroom.
And finally, because of this very same person and her dramatic ability to create chaos, I pulled away from my entire family for nigh on eleven years. I didn't speak or visit my parents, or associate with any member of my family. Their modus-operandi is to gather troops and strengthen their version of the truth. Whilst it's lonely without family, boy, it sure is peaceful. They're trying it again now, but lessons have been learnt by the past, and no one is biting this time. No one. Now, they stand alone.
On the one hand, thankfully I am reunited with my parents. On the other hand, I now have to contend with certain vitriolic and venomous blood-relatives again. Who continuously text, harass, and mail in a vain and unsuccessful attempt to cause problems. It's the calling of small minds, I guess, I shouldn't judge.
So now. There you have it. I can't recall anything else I did, but if I did, I am sure to receive a text soon reminding me of it, and I shall be sure to share it with all of you.
The best way to disarm a bully is to call them on it. I have nothing to hide. My life now is open, clean, and most importantly of all, so vastly different to the rebellious teenager and young adult I once was. Isn't that what it's all about? Changing? Growing? Developing? IMPROVING?
I have raised an amazing daughter who is now an amazing mother, who has given me an amazing grandchild. And I have grown into a human being I am proud to face in the mirror each morning. But I am sick to the stomach of some things; my skin crawls and my head aches.
So there you have it. Sadly, some people never change, and their ugliness of heart eats them from the inside out.
Did I miss anything out, J?
Do let me know, won't you? I would hate to leave you with a handful of dried dirt you might later try and scatter to the wind.